Scream Queens Season Two Recap: Handidates

This week’s episode gave us a little more mystery, a few new clues and one (possibly) shocking and tragic death. But it is Scream Queens, so one can never be sure.

Picking up where we left off, poor wart-covered Tyler has been murdered and the Chanels have a new killer on their hands. #5 is blamed, of course, and I think the writers took the “Chanel #5 is the worst” criticism from last season and put it into the mouth of Chanel. She’s constantly telling #5 she’s stupid, awful, ugly, etc. and it’s getting old pretty darn fast, especially with no one else around to bear the brunt of Chanel’s ire. Maybe Grace was good for something after all?

Dean Munsch arrives before the girls can really get into accusations and she insists they dump the body in the swamp. If word gets out her patients are being murdered, the hospital will be shut down and Munsch will die. “I mean I’d be so upset I’d like, die” she explains to an unusually observant Chanel. They dump the body in the swamp, and that seems to be that. Or not – Chad Radwell’s friend, who was also a patient in the hospital, bumps into the Green Meanie and is taken down in a surprisingly gory scene.

Dean Munsch and the Chanels go to visit Hannibal Hester for more clues. She’s cryptic as always and tells Chanel to start using Esrun cream. Munsch gets a text from Chad Radwell and decides following his lead is a better idea than giving into Hester’s demands, and they leave. Chad Radwell has nothing of use to offer, of course, except to blame Dr Holt (John Stamos) and his serial killer hand. The two face off for Chanel’s affections again and Dean Munsch tells Holt to ditch the serial killer hand and find a new hand transplant donor.

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The patient of the week is Cheri Oteri, who is not in nearly enough things. She was doing yoga and stretched too hard and is now suffering (?) from constant orgasms. Dr Cascade (Taylor Lautner… I’m finally learning character names!) and Chanel #3 are on the case but spend their time opening up to one another first. Chanel #3 admits that she doesn’t feel anything and is numb all the time, and Dr Cascade one-ups her by announcing that he’s dead. I’m sorry, what? He passed out at a party and choked on his own vomit so clearly, he must be dead, he states. Also, dogs don’t bark at him anymore and he’s always cold. Zombie walking the earth? I guess so.

Chad Radwell and Dr Holt showdown in the showers yet again, meaning literally every episode has had a gratuitous shower scene for John Stamos. Thanks, Ryan Murphy! Dr Holt vows he will win Chanel over and marry her. Chad Radwell vows he is more well endowed.

Zayday is the one to have a breakthrough this week, figuring out the Esrun comment from Hester is “nurse” backwards. The cream was founded by a former nurse at the hospital, and the only survivor of the 80s massacre. He gives them the info on the patient Jerry O’Connell killed way back when: a man with a pregnant wife, who he assumes is the one that set out for revenge. The gang, remembering last season, also theorize it could be the unborn baby, now 30. While most of the hospital’s staff doesn’t fit that bill, Chad Radwell does. (Great moment when Chanel insists Chad is her age, only for Denise Hemphill to inform her he was held back about 8 times. Also, the dude clearly looks 30).

Chad is too busy planning his proposal to Chanel to worry about any investigations. He takes her for a walk in the park and pulls out a lengthy prenup for Chanel’s lawyers to look over. They’re engaged! Dr Holt glares in the distance, but it looks like Chad won this round. Chad asks Dr Holt to be his best man, since all his friends are dead, and Chanel asks #3 and Zayday to be bridesmaids. #5 gets to be ring bearer, dressed as a dog and crawling down the aisle on all fours.

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Cheri Oteri has been healed because I guess someone actually did some work at the hospital? She tells Zayday and Chamberlain that she loves this hospital and told the media all about the great work they did, which won’t bode well for anyone. The Green Meanie throws his scythe and decapitates her perfectly, then stabs Chamberlain and leaves Zayday untouched. Serial killers really have a soft spot for Zayday! So much for covering up patient deaths: Dean Munsch won’t be too happy about this.

It’s Chad and Chanel’s incredibly rushed wedding, with a total of five guests in attendance (just the hospital staff). Chanel and her bridesmaids walk down the aisle with Chad nowhere in site. “He told me to come first… he said get used to it!” Chanel winks when #5 asks why the groom wasn’t already there. But time passes and no sign of Chad (or Dr. Holt, for that matter) when a drop of blood comes from the ceiling… and then the roof caves in and drops Chad Radwell’s bloody body at the altar.

Listen, killing a major character is vital for this season to have literally any stakes. Introducing a new character just to die by the end of the episode is boring, and we know the Chanels and Munsch are all safe… so Chad Radwell makes the most sense. I get it. On the other hand, he is the most enjoyable character on the whole show! His over the top douchebag persona is sold by his perfect line delivery, whereas a lot of other characters usually have jokes and bits that don’t quite land. Everyone commits to the outrageousness of the show, but Chad Radwell just sells it so much more. He’s a delight and a high point, and I’m simultaneously mad that they killed him and worried that it’s a low-stakes fake out. Either way, it’s something that actually made me sit up and take notice, so bravo Scream Queens.

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