Scream Queens Season Two Recap: Chanel Pour Homme-icide

It’s back! After being delayed for baseball, presidential debates and presidential results, Scream Queens is finally back with a new episode. Last we saw was a Halloween party at the hospital with dozens of Hamiltons, a couple of Trump women and the Green Meanie sneaking around. Denise Hemphill and Chanel #5 were seemingly the latest victims and Hannibal Hester was on the loose.

This week starts with the group discovering the bodies of Denise and a still very much alive Chanel #5. They take Denise’s pulse and discuss dumping her body in the swamp while Chanel #5 continues to beg for help. Classic. Dean Munsch has finally convinced them they need to dump Denise’s body when the whole group goes back upstairs and sees all the Hamiltons have been killed with their bodies displayed in an elaborate setup across the hospital. “We just have to find the guy dressed as Aaron Burr,” says Chanel #3 in the best line of the night and the best Hamilton joke of the season. It was all worth it for this!

Since they have to report this mass murder, they can’t dump Denise’s body. Dean Munsch thinks the FBI might drain the swamp (sigh) and find all the corpses they’ve been tossing over there. Instead, she enlists Zayday to move Denise’s body into the basement, where she reveals there was a slight pulse and she’s possibly alive but brain dead. Does that mean Denise can come back into play at a later date? I can only assume so.

Dean Munsch is at first upset they have to alert the police, and therefore the media, about the deaths at her hospital, but she quickly learns the old adage “there’s no such thing as bad press” is true. The hospital is packed with new patients with bizarre diseases who hear all about her work on the news — and the murder part didn’t bother them, I guess? The hospital is busier than ever with new patients, and that means new doctors and the Chanels are stuck on bedpan duty. Nurse Hawful is delighted and takes great pleasure in demeaning the girls and giving them grosser and grosser tasks to complete. Chanel decides enough is enough and she wants to go back to the old way of life: with new pledges to do all the dirty work for her, plus be easy cannon fodder for the killer. She and #3 set off to recruit some new Chanels.

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Dean Munsch meets with some patients who have incurable conditions (can’t move her face, really tall, etc) but takes a real interest in a woman who works at the UN who has foreign accent syndrome: every sentence she says comes out in a different accent. Another great line from Chanel #3, who is the real star of this show tbh, was when she pointed out how great it was that none of the accents were offensive right before the (very white) patient launched into an Indian accent.

Dr. Holt, Dr. Cassidy and Chanel #3 were investigating this weird accent syndrome when they got hit by it themselves: the trio started (very badly) covering accents from all over the globe before settling on a fake, posh Brit dialect. Apparently, it’s called “Madonna syndrome” and the only cure is to watch American movies until your voice gets back to normal. It was a fun bit, especially watching the actors try on different accents to varying degrees of success. Clearly, accents are not Taylor Lautner’s strong suit, with a meta-joke from Dr. Holt “that is the worst accent I’ve ever heard!” thrown his way.

Zayday is on the hunt for the killer and enlists a still very injured Chanel #5 to help out. Zayday thinks Chamberlain, the candy striper, is the son of the woman from 1985 and is back at the hospital for revenge. When Dean Munsch tells her there is no candy striper on staff and Chamberlain is just a grown man hanging out at a hospital giving people balloons for no reason, it raises her suspicion. She confronts Chamberlain who says he just wants to spread cheer and this hospital was close to his house. Also, is he a different character/actor? I remember Chamberlain as more bubbly and a little effeminate. Did they recast or just decide to go a different route all of a sudden? Who knows with this show.

Zayday and Chanel #5 manage to track down the woman who was pregnant in 1985 and she tells them that 1) Chamberlain isn’t her son and 2) she hasn’t seen her son in years. It’s a dead end for their investigation, but a great scene for Chanel #5 and Zayday hanging out.

Chanel #5: The coffee is disgusting.
Zayday: It’s not coffee, it’s tea.
Chanel #5: I’m pretty sure that I ordered coffee.
Zayday: You didn’t order anything, because this is a home, not a restaurant.

Chanel and Chanel #3 have found some new recruits: a pair of hospital patients (can’t move her face girl, tall woman) and the first ever male Chanel, or Chanel Pour Homme: a flamboyantly gay fan who wrote explicit Chanel fanfic while they were in prison. Hester’s also back on board, insisting the Chanels need her. The new recruits have to do the girls bidding, which includes being human shields between them and the Green Meanie. First test? A sleepover at the hospital, where Chanel #8 (or #9? The one who can’t move her face) is sent alone to the morgue to find a Hermes choker, but really to be sacrificed to the Green Meanie. Fortunately for her, Chanel Pour Homme has wanted that Hermes choker for ages and is going to go down to the morgue and get it. Of course, he is slaughtered by the Green Meanie and the Chanels all have to report to Dean Munsch. Surprisingly, she thinks the extra Chanels is a great idea and gives them three more: one who’s a Dungeon Master, one with an eleventh finger and one who has extra intestines. The eleventh finger girl meets the Green meanie instantly, and he chops off her finger before stabbing her in the hallway.

Meanwhile, we get one reveal and possibly a clue to the killer? Dr.Cassidy is the baby from 1985! He heads home to visit his mom, who clearly lied about not seeing her son, and tells her he’s going to “take care” of the snoops from the hospital. Dun dun dun!

Hopefully, there are no more extra-long breaks this season, since I barely remember what happened the first few episodes as it is. Is Chad Radwell still dead?

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