Scream Queens Season Two Recap: The Hand

Scream Queens is still airing without 900 hiatuses? It’s a miracle, surely! And the plot is actually moving? If this still the same show?

As you’ll recall, last week Nurse Hawful (or Hoffel… no one knows how to spell this) discovered Dr. Cascade was one of the Green Meanies and joined him on a quest for the Chanel’s blood.

Dr. Holt is not a killer, as far as we know, but his hand is. He gave himself a hand transplant years ago, and the donor was a serial killer, and the hand still has a mind of its own. The hand has been fighting back more than usual lately and knows it gets more control when Dr. Holt is too exhausted to function. The hand starts distracting Dr. Holt from anything relaxing, like yoga or date night with Chanel and keeps him awake all night. The hand also starts communicating with him somehow, with a voice like Danny’s finger from The Shining. Is it a voice inside his head? Who knows, but the hand talks now.

Dr. Holt’s exhaustion and rogue hand are going to prove extra troublesome this week since Dean Munsch wants him to perform the most dramatic and risky surgery of modern medicine. A new patient with extra limbs from a conjoined twin she absorbed in the room has done her research and thinks the world class surgeon Dr. Holt is the one to help. Dean Munsch agrees and already has journalists scheduled to come in and profile the surgery. The hospital needs some good press, and less “everyone gets murdered by a serial killer” press, which is incredibly optimistic of Dean Munsch. She’s sure the doctor, patient and journalist can all make it through the procedure without getting Green Meanie-d?

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Meanwhile, Dr. Cascade is working on some sweet ninja moves down by the swamp (as you do) when Chanel #3 comes to him with a diagnosis: he thinks he’s dead because of a psychological brain condition, and she’s created a test to prove it. He sits down with #3 and #5 and answers a series of random questions. Highlights include “how often a day do you think about death,” to which he answers “37. Is that a lot? That’s a lot. Less, then.” and “which Madonna is best” (answer: Desperately Seeking Susan, obvi). Turns out he really does have a psychological disease that makes him think he’s dead, and he’s really alive. Chanel #3 sends him away to celebrate and then confides to #5 that he’s also a psychopath and probably the Green Meanie. The Chanels solved it! Zayday was doing all that research for nothing. #3 doesn’t want to turn him in because she still thinks the relationship can work. Of course.

Dr. Cascade is also starting to feel guilty about the whole serial killer thing (despite just being diagnosed as a psychopath, which wouldn’t feel guilty?) and confesses to Nurse Hawful that he wants to stop. She tells him they are going to kill the Chanels or else she’ll turn him into the police.

Dr. Cascade and #3 are assigned a case together. Their patient is a man with a skin rash and an overly clingy girlfriend who is being poisoned by the KGB. Inspired by the clingy girlfriend’s devotion to her deformed BF, both Chanel #3 and Dr. Cascade are ready to confess their love, and that they know he’s the killer. She asks him to stop killing and he says she’s being needy and that he’ll kill her. So the relationship is off to a great start!

The Green Meanie (probably Hawful) takes out Chanel #10, the one with the intestines, while she was on the phone with her mother. Chanel #10 was talking about her great new hospital job that she didn’t apply for and isn’t getting paid for, and how they made her a Chanel which just means “being a bitch all the time.” At least someone knows how ridiculous this all is.

Hester is still hanging around and gloats that she knows who the killer is, and then needles #3 about it. So now #3, #5, Hester and Hawful all know that Dr. Cascade is one of the killers are all doing little to nothing about it. I mean, Hawful’s a killer now too, and so is Hester, but it still seems a bit weird.

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Speaking of weird, Dr. Holt struggles to perform the complicated surgery with his serial killer hand forcibly tied behind his back and needs the Chanels to sing “99 Luftballons” to calm him down. That is a real thing that happened in this show.

Dr. Cascade and #3 reconcile, and he promises he won’t be the one to kill the Chanels. If they turn up dead, it’ll be one of the other killers. #3 isn’t all that reassured, but at least their relationship is back on track.

The journalist who was sent to cover the surgery calls his editor in disbelief at how messed up this hospital is: medical students are treating patients, Dean Munsch thinks she’s a doctor, no one follows any procedure, etc. He’s stumbled into the basement where Denise Hemphill is in her cryo-chamber and the Green Meanie slices and dices him from behind. RIP sane person who accidentally ended up in this mess, and the second character today to die wondering what the hell this place even is.

Dr. Cascade stole one of the severed arms off Dr. Holt’s patient and offers to perform the hand surgery with this new, non-serial killer hand. It doesn’t seem to work, and the episode ends with Dr. Holt’s rogue hand scribbling down “kill Chanel!” So is the new hand a killer too, or was it something else about Dr. Holt that made him prone to violence?

GREEN MEANIE COUNT
1: Dr. Cassidy Cascade
2: Nurse Hawful
3: ????

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