Blast from the past! This week’s episode opened with a new patient who’s also an old face: Wes (Oliver Hudson), who played Grace’s dad in season one! Grace was the de facto main character of Scream Queens of season one who has not been seen or mentioned in season two until now, strangely enough. Talk about being unpopular.
Wes has come to the CURE institute because of a strange growth and stomach pains that he says was caused by Dean Munsch dumping him and breaking his heart. Apparently, their relationship didn’t work out because Munsch hated Grace so much she couldn’t even deal with her dad. Damn, they’re really going in on Grace this year. The stress of their breakup caused Wes to have a breakdown and start eating his own hair, which turned into a massive hairball that he needed to have removed. Ew. Now back on the mend and Grace safely away at Stanford, he’s ready to rekindle the romance with Dean Munsch and she’s into it.
Dr. Holt isn’t feeling it. His relationship with Chanel is lackluster at best, considering she’s a vain, social media obsessed 20-something who’s never heard of M*A*S*H. Their sex life is also bizarre, to put it mildly, as Chanel claims she’s so hot she doesn’t have to do anything but lie there. She listens to Spotify while Dr. Holt does his thing, thinking of Dean Munsch the whole time. He wants back in her bed instead of Chanels.
Zayday is another social media obsessed millennial now, Snapchatting patients all day and coming up with her own catchphrase “what’s the gag.” This is… new? Did I miss something about Zayday being a vlogger with quirky catchphrases? Chamberlain, another character who changed personalities halfway through the season, is acting like an obsessive creep. He’s messaging Zayday constantly, liking all her posts the second they go up and just being that guy. Zayday tells him to back off because he’s acting desperate and then launches into their new plan to catch the Green Meanie. The complex costume must be custom made, so they need to set a trap, snag a piece of fabric and take it to tailors across town to find a match. Chamberlain points out that this is needlessly complicated and they could just, you know, describe the costume? But Zayday thinks the designer may be in on it and they need hard evidence to tie him to the killings to make him talk. So they set a trap and lure the Green Meanie to the hospital, managing to snag a piece of fabric without getting killed. (If you’re setting a trap, wouldn’t it be easier to just take off the mask and… you know what, never mind. Let’s just go with the fabric thing. Why not).
Chanel decides to prove she and Dr. Holt have a connection despite their age gap and throws him a retro party, as per Hester’s advice. Unfortunately none of the Chanels know Dr. Holt’s real age, nor how to do the math, so they decorate the apartment and don retro costumes from the 1930s and 40s. Shirley Temple, Judy Garland, the “We Can Do It!” poster girl all gather round the wireless and present Dr. Holt with a homecooked meal and thank him for his service in the Greatest Generation. Dr. Holt is obviously peeved at how old the dimwitted Chanels think he is and leaves to see Dean Munsch. He suggests the two start up an affair but maintain their relationships with Chanel and Wes, respectively, as a cover. Dean Munsch is intrigued by having twice the amount of sex with hot 50-something guys and agrees. The affair begins.
Zayday has managed to track down the tailor who made the Green Meanie costume and tells he has made three: one back in the 80s, one a few months ago and one much more recently. The first and last were purchased by the same lady who Zayday surmises must be Jane, the woman whose husband was murdered in the 80s. Chamberlain is unfortunately ignoring all of Zaydays calls in a misguided attempt to seem aloof, so she’s off to Jane’s alone. She confronts Jane over a cup of tea and asks her to turn herself into the police. Jane says that she and her son have sworn to make sure the hospital stays shut forever and will murder however many people necessary until that happens. “But these patients were innocent, they had nothing to do with your husband’s murder!” “Why are you bringing logic into this? We’re obviously crazy!” The tea has been drugged and Zayday passes out, waking up later tied up in the basement. Another flashback to season one!
Chamberlain, meanwhile, has made some headway of his own: while collecting the garbage he found Wes’ hairball, which includes a scrap of Green Meanie fabric and hardware store receipt for a chainsaw. He heads over to Wes’ apartment and confronts him. Apparently, Grace isn’t at Stanford University: she’s at Stanford Mental Asylum after everything that happened. Wes blames the Chanels for it all and came to the hospital to get his revenge, thinking it’s not fair that his daughter is in a psych ward while the Chanels get to be doctors. Which, you know, fair point. He faked the hair eating to get into the hospital and back with Dean Munsch so he could come and go as he pleased and kill the Chanels. After revealing his master plan, as all good villains do, he stabs Chamberlain, presumably to death.
So we’ve got all the Green Meanies, I think, but still a few more questions. How did Wes get his hands on a Green Meanie costume? Is he the brother that Jane briefly mentioned? Has he been Green Meanie-ing this whole time, and if so, why did he wait until now to reintroduce himself to Dean Munsch? And with both Wes and Nurse Hawful only wanting to kill the Chanels, and Dr. Cascade wanting to protect them, which Green Meanie will get what they want? And is Grace going to make an appearance? Because honestly, I would have loved if she were the third Green Meanie instead.
GREEN MEANIE COUNT
1: Dr. Cassidy Cascade
2: Nurse Hawful
3: Grace’s dad, I guess