Scream Queens Season Two Recap: Lovin the D

It’s the second last episode of Scream Queens, but where are we going to go from here? We know all the Green Meanies, as per last week, and we know the Chanels aren’t going to die. So what’s going to happen next week?

I guess we should cover what happened this week first. The three Green Meanies and the three Chanels play a game of cat and mouse at the hospital, with the girls splitting up and finding a Green Meanie at every turn. Cassidy manages to take out another Green Meanie and save Chanel #3, letting the girls all escape. The three Green Meanies start to bicker about who gets to kill who when Hester pops up and suggests a Green Meanie summit.

This is actually pretty fun. Hester operates as an unbiased judge (minus the tiny bias towards Wes, her dad, a plot twist from season one I actually forgot) who sorts out which Green Meanie killed which victim so far this season. Cassidy’s taken care of the majority, with Wes taking credit for the bigger names (Chad Radwell, Denise Hemphill) and Nurse Hawful only getting a few. They then have to decide which of the three gets to kill the Chanels. Nurse Hawful and Wes both want revenge on Chanel and Cassidy just wants to protect #3. Hester rules that Nurse Hawful gets Chanel, Wes gets #5, the extra Chanels that are still hanging around and Dean Munsch, and Cassidy has to kill #3. Which is obviously not going to happen.

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The Chanels are obsessed with a show called Lovin the D, a Dr. Oz type show hosted by Dr. Lovin (Brooke Sheilds). As soon as their obsession with this show appears so does Dr. Lovin! She’d heard about the conjoined twin surgery and wants Dr. Holt and the Chanels to perform a complicated surgery live on air. The only problem is that someone has finally figured out the Chanels aren’t real medical students and they need to take the MCATs first. Chanel gets Dr. Holt to help her study and he quickly finds his urge to kill rising once again. Without the hand of a serial killer to blame, Dr. Holt (and Hester, who’s just popping up all over the place this week) has to admit he maybe just wants to kill Chanel. Join the club, it seems.

Chanel #3 wants Cassidy to stop being a Green Meanie and thinks she can help him reason to his mom. They arrive at his house to talk sense into her while she’s tormenting a tied-up Zayday. Zayday hears Cassidy’s voice and figures out he’s one of the Green Meanies! Great job Zayday! I mean it’s way too late and people have barely noticed you were missing and I have no idea if anyone will bother to rescue you, but good job anyway. Cassidy’s mom verbally eviscerates Chanel #3, dragging everything from her social media habits to her general millennial narcissism. It’s pretty great. Cassidy sides with his mom and the killing will continue. Sorry, Chanel #3. Wes confronts Cassiday as well (look who’s popular!) and says that the two of them should team up and let Nurse Hawful take the fall for all the killings. Cassidy agrees and a Green Meanie alliance is formed.

Back at the hospital, the Chanels all take the MCATs and pass with flying colours. How? Well, Chanel and Chanel #3 used earpieces and mics to cheat with the help of Dr. Holt and Dr. Cascade. Chanel #5 somehow just passed on her own, from studying and working in the hospital. Of course, no one cares and #5 could not be more exasperated. “I’m a genius and nobody cares!” If there’s a third season, she needs to be the killer. Just let it all out, #5.

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The surgery commences and Chanel tries her best to charm the camera. Dr. Lovin takes a sip of a coffee meant for Chanel and dies. Her producer doesn’t seem to care and immediately decides to hire the Chanels instead. Wes, who poisoned the coffee, couldn’t believe it. “They could fall down the Grand Canyon and land on the moon!” Cassidy stares on, confused. “Because they fail upward? Haven’t you ever heard that phrase before?” I guess not. Nurse Hawful joins the Green Meanie duo, who had decided to meet in a room of boiling fry oil she was preparing for Chanel. Or, maybe not. Cassidy and Nurse Hawful send Wes into the oil, framing him for all the killings and lulling the hospital into a false sense of security. It works! Everyone believes they are safe! Except for Dean Munsch, who reveals she has that incurable cannibal illness and will be dead in a month.

So, what’s to come next week? Zayday gets rescued (maybe), Dean Munsch gets cured, the Green Meanies get discovered… are there even any more filler characters to get offed? Is all the murder and mayhem over? And more importantly, will Grace return and actually kill them all? Please, please.

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