What happened to episode 9? Who knows. It was a good one, though.
This week kicks off with one hell of an opener: a man and woman having nonstop sex in a variety of creative positions while her husband is away. The kicker? He’s Jesus – literally. The disciples stop by and whisk him away (“Judas is meeting us with the donkeys!”) after he gives a vague story about healing this sick woman, but one of his crew spies the clothes on the floor and knows what really went down. Jesus is a slut.
Back in the present, Herr Star is trying to convince Jesse to work together. Jesse still just wants to find God, but Herr Starr convinces him to come to the Grail’s office and see what’s really going on. At the Grail, Herr Star introduces Jesse to the Pope and the Archbishop of Canterbury — you know, a normal day at the office. Neither of them have any idea where God is and the theories range from “on the run from killer angels” to “making ten-foot tall lion people to replace humanity.” Both solid options, if you ask me. Jesse is upset, until the Pope accidentally lets slip that “the boy” might know where God is. Herr Star is forced to let Jesse in on the Grail’s biggest secret: they are protecting Jesus’ offspring, the next Messiah.
Back at home, things aren’t going well for Tulip still. She’s having nightmares about the Saint of Killers and has no one to turn to. Neither she or Cassidy have any idea where Jesse is, and Cass is too busy partying with Dennis (and a couple of sex workers) to really help. Jenny, that helpful neighbour lady (who is really Featherstone from the Grail) drops by to keep Tulip company. Tulip breaks down and tells her everything about God and the Saint of Killers. Jenny keeps pushing Tulip, trying to make her question whether Jesse really sent him to Hell or not.
Herr Star blindfolds Jesse and puts him on a plane, then a car, then another plane, then a train, then a car, etc. until they arrive at where the Messiah is being kept. (How long has Jesse been gone? Tulip has good reason to be pissed off). When Jesse sees the son of Jesus, living in a secret bunker writing by candlelight, he’s overwhelmed with emotion and drops to his knees. He asks if he’s on the right path, if he’s truly serving God, if he was given this power for a reason. The Messiah pees on him.
Herr Star reveals Jesus’ 25th great-grandson (or whatever the lineage is) has been subject to inbreeding, and ‘Humperdido’ as he’s known is mentally and physically challenged. So much for that ‘saviour of humankind’ thing.
During a rousing game of Rock Band, Tulip and Jenny play All-American Rejects’ “Dirty Little Secret” and chat about life. Jenny accidentally lets slip that she knows about Tulip’s bank robbing past, which Tulip swears she never told her. Jenny tries to gaslight Tulip and convince her she divulged it in her fragile mental state. Tulip doesn’t believe her, so Jenny/Featherstone calls in backup and has her Grail cohort pose as Jenny’s abusive ex, Rodney. Tulip and Jenny beat the shit out of him and bond once again. Jenny not-so-subtly points out the broken tiles in the bathroom where Jesse stored the Saint’s guns and Tulip goes to repair them, finding Jesse’s secret stash. He’s got some explaining to do.
Herr Star played Jesse. He knew the Pope would mention the boy, knew that Jesse would use the Word and demand to see him. He was trying to show Jesse how ill-equipped Humperdido is to replace God, and how Jesse could be the answer. “Why find God when you could be him?” Jesse has the Word, an awe-inspiring power, and could easily take over. Jesse finds it blasphemous and says he’ll find God with his friends. He doesn’t realize his friends might not be the accomplices he thinks: Tulip is about to confront him about his lies, and Cassidy is trying to manage an out of control Dennis who has been drinking human blood. Shit’s getting real.